Are You Walking the Negativity Police Beat?

Ever notice how sometimes someone can say something that is pivotal in your life, but they have no idea that they have had that affect? Usually it's some throw away comment, isn't it? Today someone tweeted what appeared to be a frustrated rant. They said, "If you are the negativity police, aren't you playing along in the negativity game?" I thought, "Hmmm..."

As the day went on I didn't really focus on that statement, but it floated along with me. I'm a big LOA practitioner. I believe that what you focus on gets bigger and what you think of or listen to or put your attention on gets bigger in your life. As a result, I think I've made a mistake that many LOAers probably make when they're trying to fine tune it for themselves. I have found myself playing negativity police! I do that! Omg. Do you?

I must also say that I'm a highly sensitive person. It must come into play here, but I still wonder what life would be like retiring from the force.

I have sat in a room while my sweetie watches yet another episode of The Sopranos, overhearing the characters talk about how women smell like tuna and running over each others' heads with vans and I have cringed, willing him to turn on something more uplifting. I have done the same thing when he's watching action movies with gratuitous violence in them. I suggest, "Can't we watch something a little happier?" When a song comes on the radio, even when it has a happy tune, if I realize it has negative lyrics I suddenly want to change the station! I love the song "Love Stinks." You know that song? J Giles Band? It rocks out! It's a song I used to sing loudly in the car with the windows rolled down. I removed the CD from my car because it's negative and I thought I didn't want to invite what those lyrics had to say into my reality, even though the song made me laugh and rock in my car to a party for one.

I have found myself doing this even in more intimate and important scenarios. For example, ever been on the phone with someone who is vibing really negative? They're driving and swearing at people in front of them or complaining about their day in a way that almost feels like they're taking it out on you? You can feel the toxins in their voice. It is so difficult for me to participate in this type of conversation most days because I immediately put up a shield. It's as if I have a force field and I want to keep any negativity out, especially the negativity of others.

I love Jack Nicholson's line in As Good As It Gets when his neighbor comes over and tries to get him to take the dog he hates, playing on his guilt, "Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here!" He slams the door. It reminds me of how I feel when someone is really negative around me. I have set some good boundaries and I am not saying we should all just accept any negativity that surrounds us. However, there are times when I feel like I just can't accept someone's negativity, and I think it's because I've convinced myself that their negativity is going to mess up my vibe. It's like they stepped in dog shit and now they want to walk on my white carpet! I have a hard time even listening to them, much less communicating with them in the conversation. Instead, I begin to feel talked at and I have even set the phone down so I can faintly hear them making sound but not take in what they are saying....I'm not listening to you! When I hear that they've stopped talking, I pick back up to my ear and pretend to be listening. I try to change the subject. I resist at all costs!

I even drive a different route than most to take a more peaceful way to where I'm going, the one that is least likely to have congested traffic and road rage. I can't tolerate road rage. If someone bullies me on the road it ruins my mood. Even the slightest tailgating makes me take notice. I can no longer enjoy my drive. Instead, I fume over their need to rush and be first and push others around. Mostly, it upsets me that they've engaged me. When I was younger, I played them at their own game. Now, I refuse that kind of stress. So, I'd rather take the scenic route, and if it still happens I pull off and let them pass me so I can drive in peace. I wonder, do I really let people's vibes push my vibe around that much? I guess I do! I also wonder how I can be better at moving their vibe around a little, but that's a question for another day.

The flip side of this is I find myself watching things that make me happy and choosing songs that have uplifting beats and lyrics, but sometimes that limits me to Food Network during the day and nothing at night. Thinking back over my life, I always did this, and laughter is essential for me. I was always drawn to watching stand-up comedy acts, I think, because it brings my vibe up instantly. I love to crack up! Isn't that more fun than blowing things up or watching someone's head being run over or talking about others in gossipy or derogatory terms? I also know that this special sensitivity brings gifts with it that allow me to be a good coach, tuning in to my clients and my intuition. I am good at reading others, too good. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be oblivious.

Either way, I wonder what life would be like if I surrender to negativity and hand over my badge. I wonder what it would feel like to imagine that if someone chooses blow 'em up movies or cussing rap songs or foul language or nasty tones of voice or venting or gossiping, it must make them feel better somehow. Why else would they do it? I wonder if asking them if it makes them feel better would help me to feel better about it? These are all questions I must explore and experiment with. I don't forsee myself turning on a violent movie to go to bed tonight, but I wonder what it feels like to be able to sit in the environment of someone else's negative choice and surrender to it without letting it take my vibe with it.

I like to think of myself as a very accepting person. I know that I don't usually judge others and I easily hear them out and wonder if I can put myself in their shoes to understand where they are coming from. I know we're all unique. I accept that. This is probably the one area I judge...and I didn't know I was doing it. I filter out negative but, more than that, I think I police what the people around me can watch, listen to, talk about, and feel in my presence. That sounds pretty heavy, but boy was I laughing when I thought about it tonight, which is why I decided to post about it. It's like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, "No negativity for you!"

What are your thoughts and experiences with negativity of all sorts? How do you handle it without breaking your stride?