Inspired Coach Blog

The Work on Corporate America and Women (read: Me)

2010-04-06T12:58:00.001-05:00

I haven’t been a big fan of Byron Katie’s The Work. I have watched her facilitate for others and have seen it work for them. However, when I’ve tried it myself it has fallen flat. I recently heard my friend Roma Zanders facilitate The Work with my friend Jeannette Maw and I felt myself walking through it with Jeannette and not only experiencing big shifts about my beliefs around “being independent,” but also ah-has about the usefulness and application of The Work.

If you’re not familiar, you can visit Byron Katie’s website here and Roma’s website here to learn more about it. My friend, Susan Cohen is also great at facilitating it for others, if you’re looking for facilitators. Basically, The Work walks you through challenging limiting core beliefs you carry on any topic you choose and helps you turn them around and see where you are buying into something that is not serving you. It also can help you begin to play with what it might be like to view things in a more positive light.

With a little help from Roma, I facilitated for myself on some beliefs I’ve been carrying around about the corporate world and myself in juxtaposition with it. The one I most wanted to bring to the blog for the benefit of my clients has to do with a belief I have been carrying around and banging my drum about. Here’s the belief:

· Corporate America treats women unfairly and poorly.

Now, I’m going to share with you the process I went through to facilitate my own turn-around on this belief. I will share with you the questions that The Work asks and my unedited, written answers.

1. Is this true?

No.

2. Can you know it to be true?

No.

3. Who are you being while you hold on to this belief?

Defensive, on guard, defeated, repressed, the kind of woman I think will best navigate the boys club unharmed, a quitter, deterred, untapped, quiet, polite, a good girl, a bitch, skeptical, untrusting, ready to attack, a victim, blaming, angry, judgmental, afraid, a little girl afraid to show that she’s grown up, bullied, complaining, living a sell fulfilling prophecy.

4. Who would you be without this thought/belief?

On fire, on the playground with the other kids, present, confident, adding value, dedicated, steadfast, proactive, empowered, inspired, a woman making a valuable contribution, myself, able to be the love that I am, on a mission, unwavering, fun, in the zone, expanding, credible, the kind of woman I want to be, heard, a positive example and inspiration, an innovator.

5. Now turn the statement around. (How can it be turned around to help you see the limit to the belief and the other ways in which you could think about it?)

Corporate America treats women well and treats them fairly.

Women treat Corporate America unfairly and poorly.

Women treat Corporate America fairly and well.

I treat Corporate America poorly and unfairly.

I treat Corporate America well and fairly.

As you can see, it can be a powerful exercise in defining where your core beliefs about a topic can be holding you back or limiting your world view and your engagement with the world. Where I found the power was in defining who I am being in holding fast to that belief. Ouch, but an eye-opening and necessary exploration. In defining who I would be without that belief I see permission to be truer to myself than ever and open to engaging 100% of the working world, because I really do enjoy men as much as I enjoy women, and the converse must also be true.

Who Am I?

2010-04-05T09:41:00.001-05:00

Interview inspired by Iyabo Asani:

My friend Iyabo answered this interview on her blog and so am I!

Answer these questions for yourself and see what comes up for you.

If there was one word that would define everything you do, strive for and resonate with, what would that be?

Love. I have come to the realization that everything good in our lives flows out of love, and I flow love to myself and to every other person, situation and thing that I come into contact with, even when I’m in court dealing with indigents who are accused of crimes. I find that flowing love in my coaching practice and in my legal practice, as well as in my interactions everywhere throughout my day creates a more loving experience for me. Even when I see an awful story on the news, I flow love to the subjects. Being love has changed the way I interact with the world and how the world interacts with me.

What is (are) the core feeling(s) that drive(s) everything you do?

Duty, responsibility, love, curiosity, passion.

What are the things you are most proud of from what you’ve accomplished or done so far in life?

I am most proud of stepping out of the place of blame and victimization into my own power to create life the way I want it to be, and to be in a set of professions that helps others to do the same for themselves.

What is your genius, what are your talents?

I am an incredibly sensitive and intuitive person whom others trust with their secrets and feelings. I am creative and innovative. I am a leader. I am up-beat. I am inquisitive, always learning and growing as a human being. I have an ability to help others see things in a way they never did before.

If you were to start your career/business all over again, what would you do differently?

I would have niched my business to a particular target market very early on.

What do you crave?

Knowledge, enlightenment, love, connection, my own structure, nature, chocolate.

What do you want less of in your life?

Student loans.

What annoys you the most?

Someone, including myself, being unheard. Injustice.

If there was one thing you could revolutionize, what would that be?

Women in the workplace/marketplace, how they are seen, valued, rewarded, promoted, and the standards they must live by.

What are the best realizations you had that changed your life?

I am a spiritual being having a physical encounter. Everything I need is already there for me. What I focus on gets bigger.

What do you love?

Children and the way they look at the world with curiosity and wonder about the littlest things and they fear very little. Creativity, art, food prepared with love, nature and the sounds of birds, the way the sun feels on my skin, crickets and frogs making noise at night, the way the leaves turn over just before it rains, snuggling, my sweetie’s eyes, reading a really good book that I can’t put down, how much my parents love each other.

What is the best material gift one can give you and why?

Live plants, flowers, herbs or trees. They will grow and stay with me for a very long time and remind me of the one who gave them to me or the event that I received them for. I can transplant them when I move, most of the time. I can even cook with some of the plants I receive. Flowers attract bumble bees and butterflies that give me a sense of wonder all summer long.

What is your favorite flower and what do you see in it?

Daisies, particularly Gerbera Daisies, any color. They are like little pieces of sunshine. I call them smiles in flower form.

What advice would you give to your 18 year old Self?

Follow your heart and do what you love doing for a living. Listen to yourself because nobody else has the answers for you but you. Tap in to what you love, what you get lost in, and do that every day. Learn the art of self-love and practice it regularly. Listen to your body. Flow love to yourself and to others.

What are you most proud of in your country/people?

Enterprise. In America anyone can be or do anything they put their mind to. I think that may be true in other parts of the world too, but it certainly is true here. I’m also proud of heritage and history. My sense of both make me truly grateful to be here and to have the opportunities I have.

Did you have a job that you hated in the past and if yes, why?

Yes. I am not sure I hated the actual jobs I had, but I know that at the time I hated some of the people I had to deal with, some of the cases I had to deal with, some of the ways I had to do things, and the way I was treated in some scenarios. I am fairly certain that I hated my “job” because I was not in control of my own life, destiny and career – or so I perceived. I felt trapped, doomed, sentenced. I felt terribly shaded from the opportunity to grow and I was unheard. What I had to offer was not tapped. I did not have the systems in place to do my best. I did not have opportunities to grow. I did not have mentors and healthy learning opportunities.

How to Be True to Yourself In the Face of Rejection

2010-04-01T07:33:00.000-05:00

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where it felt like another or a group was asking you to be something different than who you are? Have you ever been rejected by a person or group and immediately taken it personally and began asking what you could have done differently or how you might change yourself to fit their requirements?

I sure know I’ve done this in romantic relationships in my life. You know the routine:

“What can I do to make it work?”

“I can change. What do you want me to do so that I’ll be what you want?”

“I know I can do that/be that, just give me another chance, I’ll show you.”

I never realized that I had done it before in my professional life, and I became aware if it for the first time when I gave myself permission to stop that line of thinking and seeking, and instead be true to myself and hold firm in the essence of who I am as a professional and business woman.

In the exploration of an opportunity that seemed perfect for me at the outset, I had a group tell me I was not exactly the right fit for the project they had in mind. The way they phrased it went to the core of what I am putting out to the world, my professional presence, my brand, who I am being in public, what I am sharing with the world.

In the immediate aftermath of the conversation I felt the urge to know why; what was it about me that they didn’t like? I began to ask them questions so that I could “grow and learn” from the experience. I know I’ve become a much better navigator of my life when I realized immediately that those thoughts did not feel good. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my gut. I felt like I was going to throw up. I’ve done enough spiritual development to be keenly aware of my personal GPS. My gut feelings are a gift. They tell me when I’m on the right path and when I am getting lost.

The growth and learning came in that feeling moment where I reached out to some very supportive friends who echoed back to me that I am very good at being the essence of who I am. I am doing something very right by being exactly who I am every day and letting that shine through as my personal brand in business.

The wisdom came in the realization that everyone on the planet has the ability and the right to recognize what they want and what they don’t want. When an employer or a client or a social group or even a lover decides that they have seen in you something that they are not wanting, that is not an invitation for you to alter yourself to the vision of what they are wanting.

Instead, in those moments of what feels like rejection, we are given an opportunity to recognize in those outside ourselves what we are not wanting and to clarify what it is we want.

In simpler terms, when a client decides you are not their perfect professional, use that to deepen your awareness and clarity about what your perfect client looks like. When an employer rejects you or fires you or gives the job to someone else, use that to clarify what your perfect employer looks like. When a lover rejects you, give yourself permission to get even clearer about how you envision your perfect lover.

I am not saying that healthy human beings can’t take away lessons and make themselves better people through interaction with others in the world. Sometimes there are lessons that help us to grow and become a better version of ourselves. However, when you know you’ve been true to yourself and your intentions have been pure, don’t think too hard about how you have to change yourself to be accepted by others. Instead, give yourself permission to filter who you allow into your narrow focus.

Don’t be tempted to beg for “close enough” to what you are wanting when you have the opportunity to narrow that focus and get clearer about what is a perfect fit for you.

Making Your Own Sunshine

2010-03-20T15:45:00.002-05:00

I have a lot to say to my clients and potential clients about how I know they want better reasons to get out of bed every morning and how I can help them with exactly that. I know that many of us can easily feel like there's nothing exciting to wake up for in the morning. It's just another day at work. Another day to drive in traffic, another day to do the stack of work that someone else puts on your desk. Even if you brought the work in to the firm, another day to bill, bill, bill so you can make partner or get a bigger piece of the pie.

What I have helped my clients to discover and what I have discovered myself by walking my talk, is that when you develop your own talents and passion and wrap it up in your personal brand, you can't help but be attractive to those who you want to serve. When that happens, you begin to pull in perfect work, meaning, work that is lined up with who you are and what you want to be doing. The neat thing about that is that when you have a desk or inbox full of work that you created from passion and alignment with who you are, you find that you can't wait to wake up in the morning. You find yourself leaping out of bed excited to start the day.

Not only that, you also find it easier to look your best and feel your best so that when you connect with others you are putting your best foot forward, so to speak, and drawing in more of the work you love.

Sometimes this transformation doesn't rid you of billable hours or working all day long. Instead, the transformation is in how you feel about billing and working. It's as if you could do what you're doing all day long and not be paid for it, and still love doing it. I know, that sounds crazy, doesn't it? I'm not saying you won't be paid for it, I'm just saying you enjoy doing it so much because it lines up with you so well that you get lost in doing it and you take satisfaction from the work itself and the interaction with the types of clients it draws in. It may take you to places you never imagined.

In my own personal life, I went from being an associate at a mid-sized firm to being unemployed, to being an entrepreneur. I knew when I was at the firm that I wanted to be a business owner. I was meant to work for myself. I could always feel that at my core. However, the space I was given during my unemployment presented me with a series of perfect opportunities to learn, grow and discover what it is that makes all the tools I have in my toolbox and the uniqueness of me a unique selling proposition that can serve a perfect target market in a perfect way. What unfolded is nowhere near what I could have ever thought up by sitting down and trying hard to come up with business ideas. Instead, I let myself emerge. I let the self that had been stuffed into a box by "life" come out to play. What has sprung forth is beyond my dreams, and I've only just begun.

It is no different for you. Not only do you have a completely fingerprinted set of tools and skills in your toolbox that don't quite match anyone else's, you also have a unique perspective and way of doing things and being you that puts a brand stamp on everything you do, or could if you allowed it to. In my work with clients, this is what I aim to call forth. I want my clients to see that who they are is far more valuable than they can imagine and than they ever get credit for or give themselves credit for.

Most of us are just going to work every day and doing the job we were hired to do according to the company's or boss's rules and expectations. If we could explore and experiment with ourselves a little and take some time to remember who we are, what we would have to offer an employer or a business of our own would astonish us. When you find that sweet spot, I promise you that you will want to get up in the morning or you may work into the late hours, but it won't feel like work at all. Instead, it will feel like play, and you will be the sun shining in the center of it all.

Even Hole Punchers Need Alignment

2010-03-19T16:36:00.001-05:00

This is what my hole puncher looks like, only mine is fancier. It has little lights on either side that look red when the paper is not inserted properly. However, when you insert paper that is perfectly aligned in the hole punch, you get the green light. I was so excited to realize this today after not noticing it at all since I bought it four months ago. What a goof! So easily amused or entertained by a hole punch! Gotta love Swingline, even if I do feel like Milton in Office Space.

One of my friends, Laura, commented, "See, even the hold puncher has to be aligned properly to work." She said it because everything has been aligned for me lately and things have been falling into my life as if by magic as a result. I'm loving it and I can certainly share how it's happened, but I will tell you that one of the most important principles involved has to do with what the Swingline hole punch demonstrates with just a simple device. Crooked, kinked or half in, red light. Perfectly lined up, green light!

It's a metaphor for the type of alignment we require in our lives to get the green light from the Universe to go forward with all of our desires. If you step into a place of knowing that what you want is possible, envisioning it happening, and acting like it has already happened or it is already yours, being open to all the right people, places and circumstances, and being thankful for all the great things you already have the Universe is going to give you the green light.

Keeping a positive attitude while living the life you have can be tough when you want it to look different than it does right now. Ignoring reality isn't always an option. You still have to go about your normal business until you begin to see the changes you want. Choosing to do it with a light and easy attitude helps line you up to all that you deserve.

The hole punch is a perfect illustration of this principle, in part because it won't punch unless it's lined up, and in part because I got a giggle out of realizing that. I can't be the only one, because lots of folks commented on my Facebook page about it too. It's a cute reminder of how neat even the littlest things can be in life, and how much we can enjoy our days even when we have to go to a job we don't like while we wait for the one we are creating that hasn't arrived yet.

What are you doing to line it up?

The Work-Life Balance Myth

2010-03-16T23:55:00.003-05:00

I attended the Young Lawyer's Division Leadership Conference in Milwaukee last Friday. It was a great event with fantastic intentions. It even included a talk done by Gary Bakke on Having a Life in the legal profession. The conference was a little heavy on the negative statistics across the board, and I began to wonder as I sat there whether our focusing on those negative statistics as a collective group is just wearing a hole in the rug. I wondered whether we'd be better served to focus on the way we'd like to see the legal profession operate and lawyers function as individuals.

Mr. Bakke did a great job talking about ideas for creating work-life balance, including getting your work done so you can leave at 5 or 5:30 every day. He said, "You people stay at work long hours even when you're not being productive as if someone is keeping track of how much time you are there." At the end of the conference someone told me that "someone in the back said, 'Because they do!' during that comment." It was me. I shouldn't rat her out, and I'm not mentioning any names, but she said that her firm is the same, there are people who walk around at 6 to see if anyone is still working, and noting who is not.

What I've learned as a coach and as a lawyer is that there is no such thing as work-life balance. You can't balance the two out. They aren't comparable, first off. Second, I believe that work is part of life and life is part of work. Heck, if it isn't that way, it looks better in my fantasy world that way! :)

"Work-life balance is defined as: Meaningful, daily achievement and enjoyment in each of the four life quadrants: work, family, friends and self." - worklifebalance.com

Interesting, because I find that defining it is subjective. It's an individual path, and it's more akin to integration or optimization than balance. It's really about integrity and alignment. I think what is generically meant by balance is an old-fashioned, antiquated idea that you have 24 hours in a day, 8 are spent sleeping, 8 are spent working, and 8 are spent with family or your personal life interests and matters. Interesting, because:

Between 1977 and 1997, American workers increased their average workload from 43.6 hours to 47.1 hours. - Willing Slaves, How the Overwork Culture is Ruling Our Lives

That doesn't include commutes, which have increased for Americans during the same period of time. Lawyers work more hours than this, on average, I would venture to guess. Most lawyers I know work at least 10 hour days plus a commute, and they at least "take work home" on weekends or go to the office for a few hours, if not all day or both days.

If I'm using the same calculator and the same week of hours you're using, there are exactly 168 hours in a week. I took a little time to do some calculations for sleep, commutes, eating, sex (and how you get laid), child care and all the basic human needs. I came up with an average of 66 hours left, with a possibility of maybe only 57 left, depending on your commute and how many kids you have.

Let's just say you're left with 66 or so hours. If you work 10 hour days all week and go in half of Saturday, you just worked 55 hours. You still won't be pleasing your boss and you only have 11 hours left in the week for anything outside of your basic food, sleep, sex and children needs. We haven't included showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor, banking, cleaning your house, walking your dog, or any of the other basic tasks and chores you have to perform every day, and we certainly haven't even brushed up against hobbies, unless being a pick-up artist is your idea of a hobby. ;)

If your boss expects you to entertain clients and attend marketing and networking opportunities after work at least once a week, there go your hobbies. That could easily blow at least two and maybe a whole handful of hours.

I'm tiring myself out, and I haven't even begun to broach what is actually expected of you during the 55-70 hours you work every week. I haven't mentioned the adversarial environment, the lack of control you have over assignments, clients and court dates, the lack of civility you often deal with amongst lawyers, the pressure to bill hours, the pressure to make rain, the pressure to fit in to the right group at work, the work load, the complexity of the work you're doing, the negative feedback, the high stakes if you make a mistake, and a whole host of other issues that we don't have time for here, but that take a toll on lawyers.

My point is that the idea of balancing this out seems insurmountable, and even if you could do an 8/8/8 split of your time, you'd still be under a great deal of pressure and you'd have to decide how to compose your life in a way that makes you happy. That's not to say that the legal profession can't be satisfying and happy.

The bottom line is nobody else's definition of balance will suit you. Nobody has your priorities or values. Nobody has your unique set of feelings and needs. Nobody has the unique life circumstances you have. Cookie cutter work-life balance solutions just don't exist, and quite frankly, free soda and a goldfish at work don't cut it for most of us. Firms would serve their attorneys well to pay more than lip service and empower their teams to balance their lives.

Lawyers need real world work/life integration that can only be had after they discover what really drives them, what their passion is, and how they can leverage the uniqueness of who they are to best serve the world. The underlying issue is more often that you don't like what you're doing and you're under too much pressure. That's why Sundays are always so anxious. You know you have more pressure in the morning, and more pop quizzes and more uncontrollable circumstances. Putting yourself at cause over most of the things in your life, including your work, will help you to create balance, but the balance will happen within. Even as a young lawyer, if you had permission to treat your work as a entrepreneurial endeavor with you in mind, rather than the firm's cookie cutter idea of what you should be, you would serve yourself and the firm better.

True balance is about being in alignment with who you truly are. Aligning your work with who you are is key to feeling that balance. Sometimes it takes working with a coach to explore a few things and find your true balance. When you do, you won't turn back, and you might discover that there is a perfect "alternative career" lined up just for you.

Back from Hiatus

2010-03-16T22:58:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I haven't been writing regularly on this blog for several months. So much has been going on at The Wedding Lawyer that I have focused all of my energy there. I will be writing here as well, going forward, on coaching topics pertinent to lawyers.

Please join me here for updates and lively discussion, as you are welcome to comment and participate.

Thank you!

What's The Little Voice Inside You Saying?

2009-09-03T18:13:00.004-05:00

I had a conversation last night and into this morning with my friend, Mia, about how things flow effortlessly when we get out of our own way and do what we're most inspired to do. She spoke to me about realizing that her best work comes through her but is not of her, it is of another source, from the Universe, from God. She spoke to me because I invited this discussion by pondering the subject myself for the past few days.

She is a writer, and she said to me:

"...it [is] just what I had feared and known all along: It's not me thinking up the words. It's me noting down the words that I hear, very easily & effortlessly."

This got me thinking about the inspiration in my coaching and creative pursuits. I feel true joy when I am creating, whether it be relationships, love, an artistic project, an article, a product that will help my clients, or when I am practicing empowerment for a client. I ask for guidance and I get it every time. A power much greater flows through me, brings all the resources, people and circumstances to me that are perfect for the situation at hand, and I effortlessly and delightfully share it with the world.

This is the concept of Unity. I am one with you, with God, with all that is. When I know what would best help you it is only because Universe tells me, because you are one with Universe and so am I. It wants the best for both of us, and if I tap in I get amazing results. It comes through me and connects me to my client (or sometimes a friend or a project), my inner self, and Universe to expand us all.

Then something very interesting happened. I thought, I don't recall ever being inspired in my legal career. The practice of law felt very prescribed. I was given the impression there is one way to do things, their way, the right way, and I must learn it and not deviate from it. It felt very regimented to me, formulaic, and the life was literally sucked out of it for me. Even in writing, one of my favorite activities and best talents, I was constrained by the style, format and voice of others. I had no freedom to express myself, much less to flow inspiration into my writing.

A thought that never occurred to me fluttered around in my mind. I began to question whether I ever invited inspiration into my legal career. I wonderded whether inspiration would be useful in a legal setting. Surely it would have to be useful in any career, wouldn't it? The parameters we operate under in the legal profession can leave us feeling regimented, like machine operators punching a press. Repetitive and automated systems are already developed for handling routine matters. Why reinvent the wheel? It seems like there isn't much wiggle room for creative outlet within that framework. It also might have something to do with how engaged and suited one is to the area of practice, but that is an article for another day.

Creative or inspired lawyering - there is a concept. I know there are lawyers who use creative thinking to resolve matters. I'm sure I did, but I felt limited in my options. In any profession, there is mastery of the skill set of your craft, and then there is the creative use of your skills to masterfully and elegantly go about your business in a way that is your signature, your stamp, your brand of genius. I know that lawyers use creative thinking and they are thinking outside the box when they handle legal matters. I wonder, though, how often we step outside of our own ego, get out of our own way and let the inspiration flow through us from something bigger than ourselves. In my experience, lawyers tend to have big egos. Egos want credit for the ideas and for the results. Egos get to bill in six minute increments. How do you bill a client when God did the work? ;)

What I am talking about goes beyond the thinking inside your head that comes up with "creative" solutions and ideas. I'm talking about surrendering to all that is. Surrendering to who you are, to time and space, to the moment. I'm speaking of living your life in a state of oneness with all that is, having reverence for life and the universal laws of life, with love, respect, honesty, forgiveness, kindness and compassion for yourself and for others. I'm talking about tapping in to the great wealth of knowledge, people, and resources that are available when you realize the oneness of us all.

Stepping into that flow literally acts just like Mia described. It is not you performing your job. It is you hearing the voice of something much bigger than yourself and pouring it all out for the world to see, because Universe chose you and your unique set of life experiences, talents and crafts to express as only you can express the gift you have to share with the world.

More Evidence To Support Nurturing Your Feminine Side

2009-08-27T12:03:00.005-05:00

I am a strong supporter of self-care, extreme self-care. As women lawyers, it's particularly important to give ourselves permission to practice self-care, specifically by way of nurturing our feminine energy. I intuitively believed that working long hours, depriving ourselves of basic needs and outlets, and engaging in a world that is centered around conflict on a daily basis ramps up the masculine energy that is within us all, drowning out and suffocating our feminine side.

A study came out this week in the US Journal Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences that suggests that women who are in higher up business positions, or who are more successful in business, have higher levels of testosterone.

One researcher, Paola Sapienza, seems to suggest that it is women who have higher levels of testosterone who choose traditionally male careers, such as finance and business. (I would suggest the law falls into this category as well.) However, another scientist, Alex Haslam, suggests that it's the other way around. He theorizes that women who find themselves in male-dominated fields play up their masculine characteristics and develop more testosterone naturally over time.

I am not a scientist, but my gut tells me that Dr. Haslam is right. When we over-animate our masculine energy, we do amplify its dominance in our lives from a pure energy standpoint. I bet that there is biological research to support a hormonal reaction as well. In fact, I have read studies that discuss the endocrine system and how constant stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline can cause a chain of events that lead to polycystic ovarian syndrome. Without being a doctor, biologist or scientist, I understand that those with PCOS have a decrease in feminine hormones, particularly progesterone, and have an increase in testosterone. It's not that simple, because they also have an increase in estrogen, but the female hormones are more complex than simply estrogen alone.

Without getting involved in a long, unqualified discussion on health, I have also read that when the hormones and systems involved in producing them get fatigued or in a heightened state of production, other health conditions can develop. It has been suggested that women who amplify their masculinity, sometimes not by choice but out of seeming necessity in the business arena, develop a host of pain symptoms and syndromes that are often labeled "psychosomatic." Most of us who have had some legal anatomy and health record experience know that basically means it's in your head...or caused by a psychological condition.

I saw two of the female scientists involved in the study on Dr. Nancy, an MSNBC daytime show that I never watch. They followed the results of the study up with some discussion regarding the consequences of the hormonal roles. Regardless of the chicken and egg argument, they found that whether the women at the top who did break through the glass ceiling already had higher levels of testosterone or whether they developed those levels over time in the business, once they reached a high level of success, the bounds of acceptable behavior for them were considerably narrower as compared to their male counterparts. In other words, they could not get away with things men could in business. The standards for their behavior are governed by a second set of rules. They were subject to more criticism. They were subject to more demotion, termination, and there was a frequent "fitting in" challenge due to the extreme double standards set for them.

They also tossed out some statistcs. Of the top 500 companies, the Fortune 500, 12 have women in their highest positions. Even more fascinating, those 12 are almost all in the top 50 of those companies. In terms of salary, women who do break through the ceiling make 2.8 times the salary of most other women in their fields, three times as much money, but are much more likely to be fired. That's the testosterone pushing them to take the high risk for the high payoff, or so says the study. I have no references for these statistics. I'm taking them directly off the show.

As a coach, my job is to help women lawyers choose and do, and learn to do, what is best for them. Regardless of this study and the fact that the legal profession does require us to amp up our masculine energy, what I want to invite you to do is deliberately and purposefully feed your feminine side. When you are not at work, and even when you are at work and can do so, amplify your feminine energy. This can look many ways, and the most important thing is that it soothes your own inner-goddess.

Nine ways you can feed your feminine energy:

1) Appreciate your own feminine form.

Love your body. Celebrate it by creating a pretty hairstyle, dressing up in a way that makes you feel particularly feminine and flowing, slow down and give yourself physical love in the form of a bubble bath, a pedicure for your pretty toes, a massage, or slather body butter all over after your shower so your clothes feel better all day on your skin. Pick pretty and comfortable undergarments that you secretly know are uber-feminine. Pay attention to how you move your body, how you walk, and dance if the music strikes you. Practice yoga, or exercise in a way that is gentle, spiritual and strengthening. Take deep breaths in and out from your nose, and feel the oxygen fill your feminine form. All of this should be naturally flowing from you, don't force it, be yourself and do what feels best on you.

2) Connect with nature.

You know which elements of nature call to you. The ones that make you feel most alive are the ones that feed your own inner-goddess. A walk on the beach, feeling the sea air brush your skin. A walk through the park, listening to the birds singing. Digging in the soil in the garden, watching butterflies and bees land on flowers you grew with your nurturing hands. Sitting on the patio under a full moon listening to the crickets and counting stars. Camping around a fire, and then tubing down the river on a lazy summer day. Hiking in the mountains, feeling the sun hit your shoulders as it goes down over the horizon. Catching snowflakes on your tongue. Feeling big, fat raindrops hit your body, not caring that your clothes are stuck to your beautiful form. You know which backdrop best speaks to you and feeds your soul. Your feminine side craves it. Give it a regular taste.

3) Open your heart.

Give and receive love, connection and intimacy. You are a goddess, a woman, and your purpose is to nurture and give love. To do that, you also need love, from yourself and from those you love. Open yourself up to it. Radiate the love that you are, and watch how it multiplies and comes back to you. Allow yourself to expand into deeper connections and more intimate moments.

4) Honor the feminine around you.

Love yourself and other women. As women we can be mean to each other. You know you've done it. You know it's been done to you. Women who are comfortable in their own femininity have no need or use for disparaging other women, backstabbing or gossiping. Reach out to other women. Lift them up. Help them shine. Do something special for another woman who doesn't expect it. Celebrate sisterhood. Honor your grandmother's stories, your mother's advice, and your sister's uncanny understanding of your quirks. Bend just a little and be kinder to the women you share your life with. Mentor a younger woman or girl. Give them a heads up the way you wish someone would have for you. Champion other women and you champion yourself. As always, play and connect with your girlfriends and choose girlfriends who empower you.

5) Play.

Dance. Move your hips to the music. Draw or paint like you did as a child. Write a short story or poem instead of a brief before bed. Create whatever it is you love to create. Is it gourmet meals? Are you a fantastic decorator? Do you throw delicious parties? Are you an incredible baker? Do you have a green thumb and an eye for garden design? Sing...loudly, and with a smile on your face. Laugh with your girlfriends, your sister, your kids and your mate. If you have kids, try to see the world from their view. Get on the floor and play their games. Finger paint with them. Splash in the pool with them. Sing goofy songs and make up silly rhymes with them. Do what makes you happy, and suspends the heaviness of day to day life. Forget your commute, your office, the stack of work, the pressure and deadlines, and just play like you have all the time in the world.

6) Rest.

Listen to your body. Get in tune with it. You know when your body says you are tired. When you are tired, you need and deserve rest. It is not a sign of weakness or a sign of laziness to need sleep, a break or a vacation. If you ignore your body when it is tired, soon it will give you stronger symptoms that indicate a coming illness. If you ignore those, your body will keep speaking to you more loudly until you must listen and it will take you much longer to respond and rest up, or perhaps take you out of commission entirely. In your busy life, make it a priority to get a full night's sleep, to nap when you can (even if it's on weekends only) and to not set an alarm at least on the weekend.

7) Meditate, Pray, Open Intuition.

In addition to resting so that you are operating at an optimal energy level, quiet contemplation, prayer, or completely clearing your mind of all thought for even a few minutes a day by guided meditation, meditation on your own, or practicing yoga can have benefits you may not have realized.

When you achieve a quiet and clear mind, you open up your intuitive senses. You will begin to recognize and perceive things quicker, make choices and take actions faster and more accurately, and you will notice meaningful coincidences happening in your life that will help you in your goals and desires.

8) Silent Alone Time.
As much as we women are talkers and communicators, talking is actually a masculine, testosterone driven activity. I know, it seems counter-intuitive. A little quiet, talk-free, solitude can put you back in touch with your feminine side. For as long as you need, an hour, an evening, or a weekend, don't answer the phone, be with yourself and do what feels best in that space. That means no TV, radio, texts, chats or other substitutes for talking.

9) Don't forget nutrition.

Feed your body as if it is your temple. Yes, sometimes that fudgy brownie or the scoop of ice cream or those french fries just look so good and you gotta have 'em. Then give your body what it wants. If it's wanting those things daily, you may want to get to the root of why. You could be filling a void with those comforting foods, where you aren't having an above need met.

Aside from your cravings and a rare quick meal out, make it a priority to feed your body nourishing meals that fuel your entire system and the cells inside you that know how to keep everything running and keep you safe from illness and disease. Take care of yourself by giving your body fresh foods that are healthy, nutritious and balanced.

As women, keep those blood sugar highs and lows steady throughout the day by honoring when you are hungry, when you feel the first sign of a blood sugar dip, and learning to keep a constant stream of good energy flowing through your body in terms of nutrition. This will do so much for you, including boost your metabolism, your stamina and your mood.

Watch for my course in self-care offered twice a year for women lawyers. If you have questions or want to work with me on any of these concepts in the meantime, I'd love to find out how I can help you.

Resignation Letter to the Universe

2009-08-26T15:29:00.004-05:00

Dear Universe:

It is with my eyes toward the future, toward expansive growth, trust and pure enjoyment of the ride that I tender my resignation as Master of the Universe. (As if...)

I realize that while I have believed myself to be in control and at the helm of management, it has been U all along steering the way and truly giving in to my every whim. In my moments of doubt, U reflected my fears to me in the most creative and engaging ways. I have to hand it to U. U know the perfect lessons at the perfect moments. In my moments of bliss and playfulness U have found doors and windows open to my soul that I didn't know existed.

In your infinite and all-knowing wisdom, U have led me to deep self-discovery by challenging me in ways that will serve me for the rest of this lifetime. While my logical mind believes it must find the answers and make things happen, my inner-knowing is connected to U and understands that U've got this in ways more magical than I could ever dream up. Every day is a new adventure, lesson and opportunity.

With my full trust and gratitude, I swing my doors open and throw up every sash that U may brilliantly and juicily deliver all my inner-most desires directly. I yield to U and step into my new lifetime place - creative and clear communication to U in my words, thoughts, actions and emotions.

Thank U for the opportunity U have given me over the past 33 years to learn and grow and spiritually connect with U, so that I am now able to surrender to the infinite wisdom of U. I look forward to the expansion and miracles to come. I trust Divine timing, wisdom and circumstance.

With ever increasing appreciation and love,

Dana

The Pow In Positive Thinking

2009-08-07T21:04:00.002-05:00

I have always known that if you think you can, you are right and if you think you can't, you're right. I practice positive thinking. Let's be real, I'm human like everyone else, so sometimes negative thoughts creep in. Sometimes I have fears or worries or anxiety about what is to come.

Last month I took a pay what you can course on money with Good Vibe Coach Jeannette Maw. The course was set up to bring out all of the money gremlins I had and then teach me to retrain my mind to think more positive thoughts about money, and to drop the beliefs and thoughts that don't serve me. During the course of July I had more gremlins surface than I care to mention. It was crazy. I even wondered if the course was a good idea at one point. Digging all that stuff up was a pain...literally! hee hee

I resisted some of the techniques that my coach friends shared with me to rid myself of negative thoughts and bring better things into my life. Instead, I pointed out reality over and over and got very worried about some what ifs, in terms of finances. I had meltdowns at least twice in July, worrying about finances. It was not pretty. LOL!

Over the summer I've also been working on manifesting in two other areas, my love life and my career. I have a great career, and I have a great love. What I'm manifesting is the right next step with both. I had specific requests that I put out there, and I worked on some things to make them happen, and then I even had more fun on purpose to ease up on wanting things so darn much. That can be difficult when you're impatient and stubborn (read determined) like me.

Well, by the end of the Money Mojo class with Jeannette and friends, I had been through my meltdowns, asked my frank questions, slayed a few dragons, and even had others outside that circle seemingly point out the water while I felt like I was drowning. By the end, I got angry. I had a tantrum. I told my friends in no uncertain terms what I wanted and what I didn't, and who could do what with their advice, and I cracked myself up at the same time.

When the dust settled I was determined to read every single thing I could get my hands on about building wealth, handling money, quickly eliminating debt, leveraging resources, creating systems, you name it. I wanted to know how rich people think about money and I wanted to learn to handle money the way they do.

I set intentions to learn as much as I can about money. I'm an intelligent person, right? I can do this. I gave in to the advice of my coach friends, in the face of reality, and I adopted saying affirmations every morning about what I want as if it already is. This means I wake up in the morning and say, "My net worth is positive. My net worth is a quarter million dollars. I am building wealth," among other things. I adopted a little technique called pray rain journaling. I basically write a page about what I want to happen in an area of life in the same journal every day until it's full. I do this to create the feeling of it already being here, of my life already being in that state. It's fun. I also adopted the practice of flat out asking the Universe for guidance and for what I want.

The biggest thing I did was throw my hands up and ask the Universe for inspiration and guidance, because I do this with projects and with clients. My best work comes when I'm inspired. My best ideas aren't "mine." They come from the Universe through me. By throwing up my hands I was saying, "Ok, Universe, I'm going to stop banging my head against the wall now. You just tell me. You guide me. You show me what to do next. I'll do it."

I went about my business after doing this every day. I took good care of myself. I spent more time with friends and family. Instead of working so darn hard to make things happen, I took walks and played with my dogs and went into easy action mode. I spring cleaned the heck out of my house, and it felt good while I did it and after it was done. I did yard work. I have beautiful flowers this year and more than I've ever had, and I enjoy watching the butterflies, dragonflies and bees on them. I did yoga in the morning. I ate ice cream. I have five flavors of ice cream in my freezer right now, just because it feels good to have a choice.

So, about a week into this strategy, I was brushing my teeth getting ready to go somewhere and something hit me. It was sudden flash of inspiration. It wasn't more than a second! In that second, I had to drop my toothbrush and get a legal pad to flesh it out in writing. In that one second the Universe sent me a solution to all three things I'd been trying so hard to manifest all summer long. Yep, the love thing, the career thing and the money thing, all in one "how". Universe doesn't talk like a conversation. It's a flash, like a quick sync of a flash drive with your computer. Suddenly, the information is there and you will remember if you act on it or write it down.

I didn't do anything about it because it was crazy. It seemed nuts. I did write it down entirely in case I decided to, and then I went about my business. I told my mom and she said it was crazy. I told my sister and she said it was brilliant, go with it. I didn't. It was crazy! LOL!

Another week went by and the right people were appearing to make things happen. It was like the Universe was saying, "Hello? Remember that thing I suggested? Well, here are some people who can help you make it happen. This one, here you go. No, don't like that one? Ok, how bout this one? What about this one?" Finally, someone so convincing stepped forward that I took notice. Someone I had developed a relationship with over time, someone I trusted. I took her advice and then I told my sweetheart about a great opportunity that may come my way as a result. When I told him, he made a comment off hand that was the perfect set up for my crazy idea. "Wow, Babe, that could really be an opportunity to get ahead." Hmmm...

So I mentioned I had a crazy idea to get ahead as a couple, financially and to get to my career goal, but I told him I didn't think he'd go for it. He emailed me back, "Ok, I think I have to know." Big smile. I sent him a one page email similar to what I wrote on the legal pad that day when I brushed my teeth, only I wrote it just for him, tailored to him.

He wrote back and loved the idea. We talked about it later and adopted the idea and now we have a 2 year plan that includes all three things I want. Woooooo-friggin-whooooo! I did cartwheels yesterday, no kidding.

I share this with you to say if there's something you want, and you have no faith that you can get it, or you don't know how to get it, it may sound crazy, but affirm that you have it, pray for it as if you have it, ask for guidance so that you can find a way to make it reality, and even journal about having it already and how that feels. Oh, and it can help to walk away from what you are so feverishly trying to "do" and just be for a few days, a week or two, or however long you can. It's when you are doing something else that you'll be inspired with a way to make your dreams come true.

Need more convincing? I'd be happy to help. Have some stories of your own about how this worked for you? I'd love to hear them here. Happy manifesting!

How Far Should "Dress the Part" Go?

2009-07-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

I receive several publications that keep me looped in to the legal profession. One is the ABA Journal which includes top news stories and what is buzzing about the legal profession. A theme I noticed seems to be how women look while practicing law or, rather, "Gosh darn it, if you're going to be a lawyer, at least try not to look like a woman!" Case in point, see photo on right. I hate that photo. That is not me. It is a young girl trying to look like what she thinks a female legal associate looks like. Ghastly! I am the epitome of femininity most of the time, and that photo is awful. I don't even see a necklace there. Where are my eyelashes, and what did I do with my hair?

Did you ever notice how much attention is focused on how women dress in the workplace? Does anyone ever write articles on how men dress for work? Or how men do their hair for work? Maybe in some metrosexual NYC magazine. Yet there seems to be a plethora of articles out there discussing the horror of young female associates with high ponytails and open toed shoes, or what color their suits are.

I will give you that the Ally McBeal look, while I confess to have owning a few too short skirt suits early on, is not the best look. You think it only distracts judges? While the judge can't help but stare, we can't help but forget our argument because we're too worried something that shouldn't be showing is showing. Self-consciousness is NOT a good look on anyone. I will tell you that I would never have worn skirt suits that were that short had I more financial wherewithall when I first began practicing law. When you start out making $40,000 per year and you have nothing but a pile of six figure debt and an unframed diploma, a few cheap wash and wear suits are about all you can afford. I couldn't afford that much fabric! Give us a break! Your boss and the judge should be happy your aren't in sweats or torn jeans.

Men don't have the same problem because I'm pretty sure cheap men's work clothing, and they buy it too (or they just get away with wearing the same suit every day) only comes in pants and fully buttoning shirts. When the baby lawyers can finally afford a decent suit, unless they work for biglaw, they typically have one or maybe two, and they still can't afford to have it dry cleaned that often, so they still wear the wash and wear drivel until they can replace their entire wardrobes piece by piece. With $1,000 per month in student loans, is it a wonder what we start out wearing to court?

Want your associates to look polished? I wonder if paying them enough to dress to impress might do the trick. Or bonus them a sum that you direct them to spend on nice clothing. While you're at it, send them to a tailor to make things for them! Why not? They are representing you as well as your facade and mahogany boardroom tables are. That is, if you care enough about those kinds of things.

The discussion about what female associates wear goes much further, however, than simply whether their skirts are too short or they are showing too much cleavage. I think that if we're honest, we all realize (and I've heard many women say it out loud) there is a female lawyer look that we all seem to think is expected and respected. Some of us attempt to look the part, at least when we start out, as I pointed out in my baby lawyer photo above. I keep it to remind myself never to compromise who I am again, and that I am just as valuable as a lawyer if I have long, sexy hair, jewelry, peep toed heels and coated lashes that I can bat with the best of 'em.

As a life coach I am going to say, first, that when we do what feels best for us and we are true to our inner beings, even if those inner beings like dangly earrings and eyeshadow, we are going to do a better job and have a much easier time in life in general. I find it terribly hard to believe that a judge who takes him or herself seriously would admit that he or she can't make a fair decision or pay attention to the merits of the case because of what a female baby lawyer is wearing. I believe that says far more about the judge than it does about the lawyer.

So what if women are a little "distracting" by wearing skirts, ponytails , jewelry, lipstick and peep toe heels? We are female. We have breasts. We have hair. We have legs that look different than mens'. Our feet are usually prettier, though not always and that's another topic. Are we honestly going to go back to an ancient argument that "women in the workplace are distracting?" I mean, that sounds like a mission statement and policy associated with an all boys boarding school. Haven't the guys matured enough to handle a little femininity in their courtrooms? Might I add that perhaps a little feminine perspective would make some difference?

To avoid sounding archaic, we don't say women are distracting. Instead, we suggest that they wear their hair in a more "conservative" style that doesn't show off their neck, that they wear minimal jewelry, that they keep trimmed fingernails and french manicures rather than pinks and reds, and that they wear boxy blue suits with pinstripes down to their shins and squared off thick mary janes that say workhorse. We say these things so that we can say that it's not the female sex that is distracting, it's just how they dress, and how they talk, and the ideas they have, and the hours they want to work, and that they cry when they get stressed out, and that if they'd just look, act and work more like men there'd be no problem in the workplace. Right?

The reality is that even if we all wore your male suits to work and cut our hair off and wore no makeup and no jewelry and basic pumps, we'd still be female and there wouldn't be pretty nails, ponytails and jewelry to distract you, and maybe then you'd have to actually have a discussion about how men and women ARE different and how maybe different treatment is in order to an create equitable workplace.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but maybe I'm on to something. Let us distract you with our pretty ponytails and the backs of our necks. Law school statistics are proving we're doing better in school than our male counterparts. Maybe if you focus on what we can do and on incorporating our gender into the workplace rather than the costume we wear to do it in you'd realize we're just as capable, we just approach things differently.

Ah...that felt good to get out of my system.

Are You Walking the Negativity Police Beat?

2009-06-30T21:45:00.006-05:00

Ever notice how sometimes someone can say something that is pivotal in your life, but they have no idea that they have had that affect? Usually it's some throw away comment, isn't it? Today someone tweeted what appeared to be a frustrated rant. They said, "If you are the negativity police, aren't you playing along in the negativity game?" I thought, "Hmmm..."

As the day went on I didn't really focus on that statement, but it floated along with me. I'm a big LOA practitioner. I believe that what you focus on gets bigger and what you think of or listen to or put your attention on gets bigger in your life. As a result, I think I've made a mistake that many LOAers probably make when they're trying to fine tune it for themselves. I have found myself playing negativity police! I do that! Omg. Do you?

I must also say that I'm a highly sensitive person. It must come into play here, but I still wonder what life would be like retiring from the force.

I have sat in a room while my sweetie watches yet another episode of The Sopranos, overhearing the characters talk about how women smell like tuna and running over each others' heads with vans and I have cringed, willing him to turn on something more uplifting. I have done the same thing when he's watching action movies with gratuitous violence in them. I suggest, "Can't we watch something a little happier?" When a song comes on the radio, even when it has a happy tune, if I realize it has negative lyrics I suddenly want to change the station! I love the song "Love Stinks." You know that song? J Giles Band? It rocks out! It's a song I used to sing loudly in the car with the windows rolled down. I removed the CD from my car because it's negative and I thought I didn't want to invite what those lyrics had to say into my reality, even though the song made me laugh and rock in my car to a party for one.

I have found myself doing this even in more intimate and important scenarios. For example, ever been on the phone with someone who is vibing really negative? They're driving and swearing at people in front of them or complaining about their day in a way that almost feels like they're taking it out on you? You can feel the toxins in their voice. It is so difficult for me to participate in this type of conversation most days because I immediately put up a shield. It's as if I have a force field and I want to keep any negativity out, especially the negativity of others.

I love Jack Nicholson's line in As Good As It Gets when his neighbor comes over and tries to get him to take the dog he hates, playing on his guilt, "Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here!" He slams the door. It reminds me of how I feel when someone is really negative around me. I have set some good boundaries and I am not saying we should all just accept any negativity that surrounds us. However, there are times when I feel like I just can't accept someone's negativity, and I think it's because I've convinced myself that their negativity is going to mess up my vibe. It's like they stepped in dog shit and now they want to walk on my white carpet! I have a hard time even listening to them, much less communicating with them in the conversation. Instead, I begin to feel talked at and I have even set the phone down so I can faintly hear them making sound but not take in what they are saying....I'm not listening to you! When I hear that they've stopped talking, I pick back up to my ear and pretend to be listening. I try to change the subject. I resist at all costs!

I even drive a different route than most to take a more peaceful way to where I'm going, the one that is least likely to have congested traffic and road rage. I can't tolerate road rage. If someone bullies me on the road it ruins my mood. Even the slightest tailgating makes me take notice. I can no longer enjoy my drive. Instead, I fume over their need to rush and be first and push others around. Mostly, it upsets me that they've engaged me. When I was younger, I played them at their own game. Now, I refuse that kind of stress. So, I'd rather take the scenic route, and if it still happens I pull off and let them pass me so I can drive in peace. I wonder, do I really let people's vibes push my vibe around that much? I guess I do! I also wonder how I can be better at moving their vibe around a little, but that's a question for another day.

The flip side of this is I find myself watching things that make me happy and choosing songs that have uplifting beats and lyrics, but sometimes that limits me to Food Network during the day and nothing at night. Thinking back over my life, I always did this, and laughter is essential for me. I was always drawn to watching stand-up comedy acts, I think, because it brings my vibe up instantly. I love to crack up! Isn't that more fun than blowing things up or watching someone's head being run over or talking about others in gossipy or derogatory terms? I also know that this special sensitivity brings gifts with it that allow me to be a good coach, tuning in to my clients and my intuition. I am good at reading others, too good. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be oblivious.

Either way, I wonder what life would be like if I surrender to negativity and hand over my badge. I wonder what it would feel like to imagine that if someone chooses blow 'em up movies or cussing rap songs or foul language or nasty tones of voice or venting or gossiping, it must make them feel better somehow. Why else would they do it? I wonder if asking them if it makes them feel better would help me to feel better about it? These are all questions I must explore and experiment with. I don't forsee myself turning on a violent movie to go to bed tonight, but I wonder what it feels like to be able to sit in the environment of someone else's negative choice and surrender to it without letting it take my vibe with it.

I like to think of myself as a very accepting person. I know that I don't usually judge others and I easily hear them out and wonder if I can put myself in their shoes to understand where they are coming from. I know we're all unique. I accept that. This is probably the one area I judge...and I didn't know I was doing it. I filter out negative but, more than that, I think I police what the people around me can watch, listen to, talk about, and feel in my presence. That sounds pretty heavy, but boy was I laughing when I thought about it tonight, which is why I decided to post about it. It's like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, "No negativity for you!"

What are your thoughts and experiences with negativity of all sorts? How do you handle it without breaking your stride?

Panning Gold From the Life Of Michael Jackson

2009-06-29T12:14:00.007-05:00

It's no secret that Michael Jackson's life was marred by controversy and accusations, particularly over the past fifteen or so years. However, looking back over his life at this time of his passing and reflecting on what it was about him that made him so special and gave him that star quality that stood the test of time gives me permission to pan for the gold in the stuff of Michael Jackson's life.

I have been reading lots of tributes to MJ over the weekend. I admit that I, too, had distanced myself from MJ and stopped listening to his music because of what I thought of his lifestyle and troubles. However, as I took all of the tributes, videos, sounds and images in over the past few days I felt myself reconnect with the magic that is Michael Jackson. Even more telling, I witnessed people who I know didn't have the time of day for him slowly come to the conclusion that, "the guy was a genius and if he could have just kept it together past age 35 he'd still be going strong at the top of the charts."

Michael Jackson had a smile that lit the place up. That smile was symbolic of the spirit within him. He had a child-like presence his entire life.

One musical biographer spoke of how most musical personalities only shine for about a five year span, and few make it much beyond that in terms of real fame and success. Michael Jackson's fame spanned nearly 40 years and will outlive him for a long time, no doubt.

When asked how he writes songs, MJ himself said that if he sits at a piano and tells himself he's going to write a song he can put in effort all day long and come up with drivel. He explained that the magic happens when he is taking a walk, in the shower, playing with friends, or doing something else. It's inspiration. Then the songs come faster than he can write them down. He said he had to immediately stop what he was doing and run upstairs to write it all out, the lyrics, the music, the arrangements, what every instrument is doing, the rhythms, it was all in his head in a sudden fleeting moment of inspiration that he followed every time.

Somehow, Michael Jackson knew that to "try" to do anything only made it difficult, but to let inspiration come from his inner being through a divine window would be effortless and create genius quality work. It was that knowledge that gave him the greater than life, magic persona. That was his brand. He did what felt best at the moment and let authenticity run through him.

Oh, how I'd love to have one last interview with Michael Jackson to ask him how he learned to tap into Source and let his passion flow. It may not be popular, but I'd even ask him about his odd behaviors and choices and whether they were somehow inspired by his desire to be closer to his own authentic self and to God. I would ask him what his most pivotal spiritual lessons have been and how they influenced his music and his brand. I would ask him about the evident paradox between this spiritual connectedness and his apparent difficulty reconciling his physical image with his spiritual one, and the one between his physical appearance with the body that danced for him all those years. Most of all, I'd ask him for his wisdom on how to tap into our own inner-genius and flow our own brand of magic, no matter what it is that we are passionate about.

Left to imagine his answers, I wonder if simply taking his statement about inspiration and using it as confirmation that what I'm doing is taking me down the right path is the way to look at it. I have experienced that letting the ideas flow and then acting on them with passion when they do come is much more productive than forcing productivity.

I'd be interested to hear your experiences along the same lines. What have your greatest inspirations been and when have they come to you?

Farewell to a Childhood Friend

2009-06-25T20:06:00.003-05:00

He did what he loved and loved what he was creating from an early age. He had a sense of his mission and passion as a child.

Controversy aside, farewell to a childhood friend who provided a soundtrack to many of my early memories. He was a genius, magical, bigger than life.

What Do You Do?

2009-06-22T21:50:00.002-05:00

I ran my elevator speech through Wordle.com.  Fun!

List Your Intentions - Place Your Order

2009-06-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

I have been clearing out old paper clutter from my house. While doing so I pulled out stacks of papers and notebooks where I wrote old intentions over the years. Mostly, I wrote them in list form and then left them somewhere (in a drawer or stack or shelf) and forgot about them...or at least forgot I had written them down so intentionally. I couldn't help but want to read through them, hoping I'd notice that I'd manifested many of those things into my life and also hoping I'd be able to see how I'd grown.

To my delight, I not only palpably witnessed my growth over the last five or so years, I also stepped into immense gratitude as I realized that the Universe hears me loud and clear and has been conspiring to deliver my heart's desires for years! Oh yea, the U and me, we're tight! ;)

I brought the stack out in full light to my dining room table and began by reading one sheet of paper upon which I wrote a list of what I wanted about five months ago. On it, I had listed what I wanted my professional life to look more like in contrast to what I had been living for five years. To my surprise, as I read the list one item by one, I had EVERY SINGLE ONE of those desires, check, check and check down the list. That felt good and boy was I a quick manifestor.

As I moved on to other lists from longer ago I realized that I had most of what I had listed on those pieces of paper and in those journals as well. Who knew? And boy was I overdue for some gratitude! When I picked up a stapled series of legal notes on which I wrote a "design your life" plan complete with eight life categories listed in full detail, I began to well up with emotion. To my astonishing amazement, in the area where I listed my material possessions and my environment, I had listed details for a house I wanted to live in down to the kind of refrigerator, layout of the kitchen, the angle and shape of the driveway, the view of the house from the street, what you see when you enter the house, the type of windows it has, the sounds and sights surrounding it, etc. What was stunning about this particular review is that it revealed to me that I have manifested this house! I don't live in it, but my sweetie does and I spend a lot of time with him there! I wrote the life design in 2006 and I met him in 2007.

On that same several page manifesto of life intentions, I set forth some rather sketchy details about my career and cause or purpose. Little did I know that I was powerfully creating back then. I had not enrolled in coach certification yet, and I had no idea what my coaching brand or niche would be. In fact, only over the past month did I begin to do some introspective work to reveal to myself a brand that is uniquely me. As serendipity would have it, I did all that work and had just enjoyed wild inspiration that led me to my brand...a brand that has yet to be revealed to my audience because it's still in the workshop. However, I am fully aware of what it is and I can't get the ideas out fast enough. It was at that precise moment when I decided to clear away these papers and I read through my life design from 2006 to discover that the brand was right there! Those sketchy details? The ones that made no real sense to me then, except that they are an amalgam of what I wanted and just didn't know how to combine them? Well, those are my brand and I effortlessly listed them three years ago without realizing that my intuitive and inner-self was speaking to me.

The really neat and synchronistic part of all of this is that it is now Summer Solstice, a period of renewal. It's a time for setting big intentions and tapping in to your inner-being, aligning with God to co-create your best life the way you see it. At this moment, not only did I experience inspiration beyond my expectations, but I was inspired to uncover my summer solstice intentions from years past that are like the angels speaking to me, nudging me and saying, "You're on the right track! Keep going, and keep those inspired ideas coming!"

I wanted to share this with you, because today, tomorrow and Wednesday are big opportunities to set your intentions. June 22-24, especially this year, may be some of the most powerful universal energy challenging you to be your best and shine your light on the world around you. Read more about it at my friend, Tia's blog where she talks about why it's important to set intentions now. I shared my intentions there with her.

What are your intentions? What are you creating? Here are a few of mine:

To completely let go of all things past and live presently, full sensing and appreciating every juicy moment.

To embrace the power of intention, tapping deeper and deeper into Source energy and stripping away layers of ego and will.

To know with every fiber of my being that I am provided for in every need and desire at the moment I have them.

To attract into my present time and space the perfect, chivalrous marriage proposal of my beloved at the precise and divine perfect moment. To have great fun co-creating a spiritual wedding, and to ride off into the sunset…happily ever after. Woooohooo!

To follow my bliss and let the power of intention guide my work and offering to the world.

To attract an abundance of perfect clients into my coaching practice for every service and product I offer.

To attract large, er, LARGE, sums of money into my reality so that everything I need, want and feel called to contribute to is PAID IN FULL, effortlessly.

To deepen and strengthen the most important relationships in my life, and let my cup overflow with the love I have for so many people.

To be authentic to the core in everything I do and to inspire others to do the same.

To follow my happiness.

To attract the perfect buyer who walks up to my house, knocks on my door and asks me what I would sell it for because they have a specific need that requires them to buy my house…when my house is not even on the market.

I'd love to hear yours. Feel free to play! Have fun with it. I wish you every dream come true!

Step Into Your Playground

2009-06-16T12:27:00.000-05:00

I've been doing some work with Michael Port, reading through is Book Yourself Solid. As I've worked through the first part of the book with my closest friends and family, it's become clear to me what I have created and what makes me unique in life, in general. It's taken me a lifetime to be this unique. You have made yourself unique in much the same way.

From the day we are born we experience contrast. Contrast is the experience of determining what we don't like and what we prefer. We start telling the Universe what we want from day one by crying when we have a wet diaper and cooing when our mothers sing to us, and we continue the process of defining what we prefer, placing our order with the Universe and creating our vortex, what makes us us, every step of the way. You have left a trail of breadcrumbs your entire life. It's a path only you have blazed. Each step another in a series of defining your preferences and desires. Each lesson an opportunity to peel back another layer of yourself and develop a part of your life that you may not have clearly created yet.

Ever wonder why some of your lessons are repeated, why some of them have been such big thumps on the head rather than little nudges from the Universe asking what you prefer? You know what I'm talking about, right? There's usually one area or maybe two where you've experienced huge contrast. By that I mean that you've experienced painful or uncomfortable things in that area of your life. It was usually in those very painful or difficult moments that you finally had to make a choice where you hadn't given the Universe information before. Those are great opportunties to define ourselves and what we want.

Every day of your life you've done this in all of your choices, in your focus, in what you spend your time doing and thinking, feeling, being, even in what catches your interest and hooks you, for good or for bad. You are always giving the Universe information and it is always responding by providing your external reality. It gives you what you want, and it only hears what you focus on and how you feel.

I just listened to a powerful spiritual reading from Esther Hicks. In it she's talking about vibrational marketing. She explained that all of what you have ever wanted in life and all of your preferences are already lined up for you, including perfect clients and a wildly successful business. The clients are waiting and already love what you can do for them. The missing piece is whether or not you are a cooperating component of what is already lined up for you. She asks whether you are lined up with your own vortex. In other words, do you love and feel good about what you're creating? Are you in love with your own preferences? Are you having fun with them? Do you trust what you have ordered, or would you rather wait and see what others ordered in case theirs is better, or sit and complain that yours hasn't come yet?

This translates to every aspect of life. You can ask yourself these questions about everything you deal with. When you go to work and you tell yourself, "Boy, I'd love to be able to quit this job, but I have to keep it to pay the bills; and it'd be hard to build my own business or to get the job I really want," the Universe hears all of it. It knows what you really prefer is to quit your job and to start that amazing business that already has clients lined up waiting for you to love what you're creating for them. What Universe is waiting for is for you to decide whether you want to be in the vortex of what you're creating or outside of it, complaining about the fact that you are too afraid to step into it and have fun in your own playground.

Same thing with your love life. When you describe your status as "it's complicated" on Facebook and tolerate a mate who is less than you deserve, the Universe is just waiting for you to either tell it your preferences and step into the space of allowing that perfect someone to meet you in the vortex of being passionate about your desires, or it's waiting for you to complain about the one you're with and keep that brake peddle pushed so hard to the floor that you aren't going anywhere and those complications just keep on a comin'.

You have given the Universe clear instructions and you've updated them your entire life, but if you don't trust those instructions, love them and honor who you are by telling your truth to your friends, family, co-workers and neighbors, and most importantly, to yourself, you are the only component in the miracle making machine that isn't working.

Have you ever stopped to think about what instructions you've been giving all your life? It's a tough task and it would be impossible for us to remember all the things we've put out there with all of our moods, requests, complaints, thank yous, smiles, worries, wishes, and choices.

To make it a little easier, just trust yourself. Give yourself permission to want what you want, to love what you love, to be passionate about the things that make you who you are, and own them like nobody else because you do. Step into the playground you've been creating your whole life. Your friends, beloved mate, clients, neighbors, money is waiting to play with you there. What are you waiting for?

Digging Up Baggage, Conjuring Old Vibes

2009-06-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

This week some very interesting things have happened to some of the people I pal around with, and to me. The things I'm talking about are not things any of us wanted to happen. They're situations or people we didn't want to attract. However, somehow we did! We've been asking each other and ourselves whether it's some weird moon, or whether we created this ourselves.

I was laughing so hard last night talking to my coaching friend Tia about what I manifested that was not funny, but we both couldn't help but fall out laughing. I was just minding my own business online, chatting with friends and updating my status when an ex from eight years ago butted in and asked me for his stuff.

Yep, you got it. He IMed me and asked if he could get his STUFF. What stuff? The stuff that he moved into my house more than eight years ago but then never actually moved himself into my house. The stuff that he left in my house for years, every now and again asking about it and saying he'd send his mom or best friend over to retrieve. The stuff that took up the better part of a quarter of my basement, eventually smelling musty. The stuff that I weeded out down to the crucial and sentimental items after a couple of years, thinking I had no responsiblity to keep it any longer, but thinking I'd be nice and safely keep it until he decided to one day retrieve it.

Well, along my path of spiritual growth I discovered that keeping his stuff really wasn't in my best interest. While I thought I was being nice, I was compromising my own integrity by keeping it, and I was allowing his energy to fill a space in my house. In fact, a couple of summers ago I got a wild hair and decided to burn 99% of the things that belonged to or reminded me of any ex. I wanted those items out of my space, and the burning part seemed cleansing to me. So a girlfriend of mine from high school gathered all the stuff with me and made a bonfire for me in her back yard and we burned and drank wine, and it was glorius.

In that burning pit went old letter jackets, pictures, momentos, books, and even a wedding gown that was never to be worn. It melted like butter. Don't ever get too close to a candle wearing your wedding gown ladies...it's scary how fast those things melt. I burned it all and I felt cleansed, and a new space was created for a healthy, fresh and loving presence and relationship. It worked, because that space (figuratively) is now filled with the best possible energy in the form of my sweetie, who is just amazing.

So, almost two weeks ago now, I had a yard sale. I had cleaned out my house, every nook and cranny, and decided what was to go. I got rid of a lot. One thing that still remained was a big wooden toy box with this particular ex's name engraved in it. It had to go. I hadn't had the heart to burn it, but thought some kid might like it. So I put it on the lawn at the yard sale and it was one of the first things to go. The woman was so happy to have it for her child. My dad even helped her carry it home. I thought, phew, how good does that feel to finally have the last of that crap out of my house? No more ex anything.

Now I wonder if I stirred some kind of weird pot and thought about it in a guilty kind of way, because this guy bumps into my chat session after eight years and has the nerve to ask if he can get his stuff. I explained to him what I just told you. He was a bit upset and argued with me about it a little, as if he had expected me to still have his junk after that long.

At first it started to mess with my vibe, but as I saw the typed characters in the chat, I began to laugh so hard I could barely catch my breath. I said, "Um, we broke up in 2001. It's 2009." Meanwhile, one of my other friends said, "Tell him if you'd charged him storage for eight years, he'd owe you hundreds if not thousands, so you're even." I did not apologize. I felt that it was his actions that resulted in his stuff evaporating. It was his responsibility to get his stuff immediately after a breakup, or let it go. I told him so.

When he realized he wasn't getting anywhere and accepted the stuff was gone, he began to degrade himself saying he deserved it. Then I wondered if he was just using the stuff to get to me in some weird way. That only solidified my peaceful feeling that my decision to burn and sell his stuff was the right one. It has protected me from having to deal with him or any other. On my path, I've also learned to call people on their personal responsibility without apologizing when the situtation is not my fault. It all went well.

As I chatted with Tia about it in real time and we laughed, she asked me what I had done to conjure this. I remembered the yard sale.

Let it be a lesson to us all, deal with the present in the present so you can move forward without it. Otherwise you're dealing with the past in the present because you have to clean up the mess, and you can conjure up old feelings and old people that no longer serve you and they might pop up in your face in IM, drunk and feeling sorry for themselves on a Thursday night eight years after they left their crap at your house.

I know this to be true now for so many things. Go through what you have to go through to complete things, processes, relationships, what have you, at the present moment so that you will be free to enjoy the present always as it is. Be true to yourself, and don't compromise your energy and space to "be nice" to others. Keep your energy and space clean and you can be clean with them when you tell them you need to have your space clear of their things, baggage, etc.

When strange things creep into your space, you've got to ask yourself what you've thought or done to conjure it up. Sometimes it's by accident, but it's always our creation.

Who Do You Want To Share Your Life With?

2009-05-27T22:01:00.000-05:00

I've had a rather interesting journey through my own lessons in crafting the environment I want to surround myself with, including the people I want to share my life with. Do you think about it that way? Do you realize that it's not just the person you marry who gets to share your life with you, but your friends, co-workers, bosses, employees, clients, playmates, and anyone else you routinely deal with?

I've been working on the image of my perfect client for the better part of the spring, and it has reinforced in me the idea that what we focus on gets bigger. Thoughts become things. It also follows that when you spend time with a certain type of person, you will undoubtedly and without fail attract more of that type of person into your life. It is important that we consciously create relationships and surround ourselves with people who support the life and environment we choose for ourselves.

I had a teacher in high school, it was a leadership class, tell us that we should be very choosy about who we surround ourselves with because energy is contagious. If we are very positive and proactive in our life and we even generally hang out with mostly positive people, but we have a friend or two who are negative, they will always bring us down to their level and it will be nearly impossible to move them up to meet us even halfway. I remembered that, but I didn't understand until I hit my thirties that I have a right to choose who I deal with. It just didn't occur to me that I can say who gets to share in my life.

It was a liberating epiphany to realize that I could break up with anyone I wanted to. I could break up with family or friends or colleagues or anyone who sucked the life out of me, drained me, or generally made me feel like crap. Or I could choose to spend very limited time with them by my own parameters.

The next logical step was a clarification of my own personal boundaries and of my personal integrity. I gave myself permission to decide what behaviors and characteristics were deal breakers for me. I gave myself permission to enforce my boundaries with others, and I gave myself permission to disengage with those who chose to stomp over my boundaries even after I clearly set forth what I would not tolerate. Side by side with the development of my boundaries, I learned to listen to the little voice inside myself (that's the real me, my intuition) telling me when I was out of integrity by association with or appeasement of behaviors and attitudes that were not in alignment with my values and being.

This process has worked for attracting the most perfect mate into my life and for creating elegant agreements with him that have built our foundation, deepened our connection and strengthened our relationship. It has worked for honoring myself in continuing and creating relationships with friends, or letting some of them fall away so that we are open to invite perfect friendships into our respective lives. It has begun to work in attracting perfect clients who inspire and empower me to do my best work and to feel that what I do every day is a calling and a mission rather than a job. I submit that it must work under any circumstance for any kind of relationship you want to create. I wonder if it can work for co-workers and bosses. I haven't tried that yet, but I sure am rushing to play with the concept.

Are you being true to yourself? Have you surrounded yourself with people who inspire and empower you to be your best self and to form deep and meaningful connections with them? Are you tolerating behaviors and being zapped of energy day in and day out because it hasn't occured to you that you have a right to filter those folks out of your daily life? Have you defined your personal boundaries and stepped into a place of deep personal integrity, allowing yourself to be authentic and transparent, so that the perfect associations and connections can easily and directly find you?

I would suggest that it not only serves you to do this for yourself. It also serves your most beloved relationships by leaving more of you to go around to those who fill you up rather than deplete you. It serves your marriage or your romantic relationship, your employer, your clients, your family, your friends and anyone else who deals with you routinely by clearing up the space you stand in to allow you to shine more fully and be of greater contribution to all involved.

So, have you thought lately about who you want to spend your life with?

You're Going To Be Okay, Just Dance!

2009-05-20T18:55:00.001-05:00

Ellen DeGeneres recently spoke at Tulane University's commencement. Her talk was both fall down funny and the truth.

You can't say it much better than that. I have recently struggled with knowing that I have my own path, but feeling obligated to walk the path that others think I should want to walk instead. I know better, and I hope you do too!

Show your stuff and you'll have more beads that you know what to do with! What do you want to be when you grow up?

Acting As If

2009-05-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

I have to share with you a little bit of the back story so that you can catch up to speed and know what I'm talking about for this post. It's a heartwarming story.

On May 5, I happened to have the TV on when a vibrant young man named Bernard Lachance was on the Oprah show. He is from Quebec City, Quebec, Canada. He was on the street outside the Chicago Theater waiting for Oprah to come for her two reserved tickets to a show he was putting on with his life savings. Mr. Lachance is a vocalist and musician. His passion is singing.

This is a man who sold over 30,000 CDs one by one all by himself with no agent. This is a man who created his own ticket sales promotion with a t-shirt that has the seating chart of the theater he is booking. He stands outside the theater and asks people to buy tickets to his show, letting them choose seats off of his shirt. He spent $18,000, all of the money he had in the world,he to rent the Chicago Theater for June 6, 2009 and he set his intention to have Oprah in the audience and to fill the theater, launching his music career in the United States.

He created a YouTube video telling Oprah that he set aside two VIP tickets for her to attend his show and how it would make his dreams come true if she would be in the audience. He waited for her to come get her tickets every day until he just couldn't stand it anymore. Finally, he gave up because he needed to focus more of his energy on filling the theater and preparing for his big performance. The very next day, when he released attachment to the outcome, Oprah's best friend Gail showed up to get her tickets. Mr. Lachance was speechless, over come with emotion.

Not only did Oprah send Gail to pick up the tickets and to attend the performance in June in her place, but she invited Bernard to debut on her show, singing to her audience. He was on the show, and when Oprah asked him how it feels to be singing on the Oprah show he said, "Gotta start somewhere!" If you saw the man's emotions as Gail walked up to him you would know that this is the most grateful man to have realized his dream. He manifested Oprah at his show, and EVEN BETTER, she put him on HER show.

The Universe can make great miracles for us when we get out of our own way and release our attachments. It often delivers better than we could imagine.

I just saw a reminder I made for myself to get some tickets to Mr. Lachance's show. I want to support someone who believes in his own success so completely that he's willing to spend his entire life's fortune to book one theater. I went online to find him. As I looked at the bio on his website, I was amazed at how this man used the Law of Attraction, whether he realized it or not, to manifest his dreams.

In the very first paragraph of Bernard's bio it says, "[Bernard] spent his time attending various TV show tapings as an audience member to simply get a feel for what it would be like to be one day in front of the camera." That's the stuff! One of the keys to manifesting your heart's desires is to "act as if" they are already present in your life right now. However you can achieve the feelings that you believe you will have when your dream or goal comes true, do that now. Bernard was brilliant to think that he might want to experience what it feels like to be in front of cameras and then find a way to experience it now.

This practice can work for many of your goals and dreams. Ask yourself what you want your dream to look like. Be detailed. Then ask yourself what it will feel like, emotionally. Then ask what you will be able to touch and see when you have your result. Also ask yourself what you will be saying when you have reached your goal, and what others will be saying to you, or what you will hear. Keep all of those details in mind and then finally ask yourself how you can create those experiences now. Bernard did this like a pro, and where is he today?

Bernard's show is selling out in Chicago and he debuted his music career in the U.S. on the Oprah Winfrey Show. I bet that if he doesn't have an agent and a manager, and even a record deal by now, he will by June 7th.

Are you "acting as if" your dreams have already come true? If so, I'd love to hear how it's working for you and whether you have a different way of doing it. If you would like help with implementing this practice into your life, I'd love to hear from you, too.

I Want It All, and I Want It Now!

2009-05-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

Isn't there a Queen song with that title? I thought it was an appropriate title for an article about what to do when you want something so badly, you need it, and you just can't seem to stop thinking about it, worrying about it, or wondering when it's going to come or why it isn't here yet.

Do you ever find yourself so hooked to something you want that you just feel obsessed with it? It's the only thing you think of, or one of the underlying themes. You find yourself fearing not getting the result you want. You doubt whether you're good enough to make it happen. You might even begin to doubt your own self-worth on a grander scale when something you want doesn't easily come to you.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason it isn't coming to you is because you need it so badly that you're repelling it? Did it ever occur to you that the self-doubt and fear and questioning why it isn't here yet are all forms of neediness?

As you may or may not know, your thoughts create a vibration. It's energy that you emit into the Universe. If you are thinking positive thoughts, you are vibrating at a high frequency. This feels good. You are usually happy in this place. When you vibrate at a high frequency, you attract things into your existence that vibrate at the same frequency. All of the things that you think will make you happy come more easily to you in a happy state. :) Sounds fun, doesn't it? It's not always so easy for most of us.

It follows that when you are thinking less than positive thoughts, or negative thoughts, you are vibrating at a lower frequency. It's an uncomfortable place, even a painful or unhappy place. It doesn't feel good. When you vibrate here, well, the same thing happens. You attract things into your life that vibrate at the same level. Like attracts like. So if you're unhappy, you are going to attract more things that make you unhappy, sorry to say. Makes sense, doesn't it? Here's why it's not always easy to unhook and attract what you want right away.

Sometimes we really do want something very badly. It's good to have clarity about what you want. You are entitled to have desires. You have everything you need to draw them into your life as well. However, when you want something so badly that you consciously or unconsciously begin to worry about how you're going to get it, or when it's going to come, or you begin to doubt whether you deserve it or resent and blame others for it not being there yet, those are all negative thoughts and feelings. When you are vibrating negative feelings it is impossible to draw in the positive things you want. When you can unhook from the negative vibration and bring your vibration up to a higher frequency you are closer to attracting what you want into your life.

Is it really that simple? It seems to be the question of the week in circles I follow. Yes, it is really that simple. If you're clear about what you want, if you know how it'll make you feel, and if you feel that way now by taking inspired action to feel the best you can feel right now, you have a much better chance of pulling in the results you want.

So stop your worrying, stop your self-doubt, stop your blaming and resentments, stop your judgments and frustrations. It's as easy as feeling good and finding the easiest ways to be happy. If the positive thoughts don't come as easily at first, raise your energy level, get happy and the thoughts will naturally evolve into more positive ones.

When you release what it is that you're so hooked to, it'll come to you naturally!

Signs We're Getting Over Our Collective Story...

2009-04-29T19:34:00.001-05:00

We may be ready to tell a new story about our world and...the economy.

I was inspired to embed these videos from Meyer And Wallis in my blog this evening when I saw another of the series on a local channel and it made me laugh, really hard. Then it made me appreciate that there are other people out there thinking the same thing I'm thinking:

What we focus on gets bigger, so why not focus on good news? Why not flip the bad news around and find the good in it? Why not look for signs of recovery? Why not look for the rainbow at the end of the storm?

I want my mommy! Oh, goodness, I love that! Isn't it a hoot? Wouldn't it be nice if we could flip all the news around like this?

Check out this website as well: www.businessisbetterhere.net. Every community could use a committee that rallies it around some positive thinking. I hope it catches on!

If we begin to focus on the signs of abundance and well-being, they will expand. If we join together to think positively we will expand. Food for thought.

25 Things That Make Me Happy

2009-04-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

My friend Tia inspired me to write about twenty-five things I can think of that make me happy, without tying them to money in any way. This is a great vibe-booster exercise for anyone. If you're feeling less that excited about life, my first "homework" assignment to you is always going to be gratitude. When we can step into a space of appreciation for the things around us, no matter where we are in life and where we want to go, things just seem to go a little more smoothly.

So, here goes, I'm going to write completely random things that make me happy, no order of significance and just because it isn't listed, doesn't mean it's not included in what makes me happy. Way more than 25 things make me happy!

1) The sun coming up in the morning, especially the rays that peek through the blinds and shine a little too brightly on my face.
2) The sound of my niece's laugh at a year old.
3) That my dogs reflect my vibe back to me, because they let me know when I'm taking things just a little too seriously.
4) The way the sun bakes the back of my house, including my kitchen, at the end of the day when it's high over the western horizon.
5) Flowers, especially the ones David brings for me.
6) Birds singing in the yard, even if it wakes me up in the morning.
7) The smell that's in the air when it first starts raining.
8) The color yellow.
9) Bumble bees in my garden that buzz around as I water, avoiding the splashes.
10) The way my Border Collie, Luther, catches a frisbee perfectly every time, since he was weeks old.
11) The black circles around my Cattle Dog, Laney's eyes...she gets whatever she wants because of them!
12) Candles.
13) Cooking a great meal to share.
14) Driving stick.
15) That my dad says he loves me every time I talk to him.
16) Inspiring others.
17) The smell of coffee brewing.
18) Snuggling with David.
19) Fresh, crusty bread.
20) Chocolate, in almost anything or by itself, especially dark chocolate.
21) The sound of waves hitting the sand and breakwater.
22) The way the sun dances on the water.
23) A full moon.
24) Waking up very comfy in my bed and peeking at the clock to see I have hours left to sleep.
25) The way 70 degrees feels on my skin outside, especially this time of year.

That's a start. How about you? I bet you could list 25 different things every day and it wouldn't get tough for a while. Give it a try and see how it boosts your happiness quotient. The added bonus is that what you focus on in life shows up more, so you are already on the road to creating more happiness when you can appreciate the happiness you already have.

You can try this with specific subjects as well. Say you are feeling down about your physique. List 25 or 15 or 5 things every day that make you happy about your body. Same thing with your relationship, your job, your house, your family, you name it.

Here's to the simple things that bring us happiness!

Manage Your Vibe & Your Thoughts Will Follow

2009-04-25T10:22:00.000-05:00

Thoughts become things. Are you aware that what you focus on gets bigger? Do you realize that what you are thinking of over and over actually creates more of it in your life? If you are constantly complaining about or dreading something you despise, doesn't it seem as if it keeps getting worse or more prevalent in your life? Doesn't it seem like when you constantly worry about something going wrong, it does? I bet you say to yourself, "See!? I knew it was going to happen!"?

If you are a believer that thoughts become things, I have a great technique for you that will ease up the chore of constantly trying to manage your thoughts so that positive things happen in your life.

There are people who are very good at learning to channel their thoughts and create the habit of thinking positive thoughts most of the time as well as meditating or practicing yoga or getting themselves into a state of mind that is free from negative thoughts. I have been able to do that at times, but there have been times when I seem to wrestle with negative thoughts and wonder how the heck I'm going to banish them once and for all and believe that all is well with me and that health and abundance are aplenty in my life.

Over time I learned that managing my vibe - how I feel - is an effortless way to manage my thoughts. If I had only known it was that easy before! That is why I'm sharing this idea with you now.

When you can find the easy way to go about things in life, and when you can follow life downstream (where it wants to take you) rather than fighting the current and swimming upstream against the rocks, things really ease up and good starts flowing faster and faster into your life. It's really as simple as learning to become aware of how you feel and then doing what you feel inspired to do to feel good and be happy whenever your vibe dips a bit and even when your vibe is already sky high. Really, it's that simple.

So, you had a bad day at work and you just can't blow off your steam and lose the funk? Find the next best feeling. Where is it? Even if it comes from a great meal in shared with a loved one and a movie in your Sylvester the Cat slippers, it can be that easy. If lifting your spirits means listening to old Quiet Riot CDs just a little louder than the neighbors would like, go for it! It is very subjective because it's all about what makes you feel better in the moment. If that's a round of golf or a bike ride or a run or a cupcake or one of those laughs with your high school best friend where you almost puke or pee your pants, or if it's watching a toddler laugh at the wind or feel their first blades of grass between their toes, do what makes you smile and glow right now.

This may sound very simplistic, but it is a major building block to managing your thoughts and creating the life you want. All that you want that is good for you is on its way into your life, as fast as you can think of it. You can stop worrying about all the gremlins you think of every day and let the good stuff in just as soon as you can recognize when you could use a little feel good.

Trust me, when you find the feel good button you will use it even when you're feeling pretty good already. Then, when you feel yourself starting to think a thought that might be negative, it'll go away fast because you feel too darn good for that thought; it's not a match. Not only that, those thoughts will come less and less frequently, because your mind will be filled with wonderful visions of sugar plums dancing in your head, or whatever your goals and dreams may be.

I'd love to hear how it goes! Happy play time!

Using Contrast for Clarity Along the Way

2009-04-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

Ever experience something that immediately made you realize you want something else? Sure, you do it all the time, right? We all unconsciously make decisions about our environment all day long and most of the time when we change something, the reason is that we've experienced contrast that has moved us to choose something else.

What do I mean by contrast? Contrast is an experience that tells you what you are receiving is not what you would prefer. It is an experience that you don't enjoy or something that isn't meeting your needs. It may even be something that you suffer through for a long time, thinking there is no way around it. Contrast helps you to understand and define for yourself what you truly want in your life and what it is important to you. It immediately gives birth to possibility, gets your creative juices flowing and often instantly flashes forth clarity about what it is that you do want in the place of what you are experiencing. Contrast gives birth to desire.

For example, most of us want to be successful and have exciting careers that make us feel useful and productive. We all define success differently, even if we don't realize it. Maybe for you being able to show off your people skills is really important. Perhaps you're the kind of person who is a genius with clients. You really click with them and they really like you. However, in the job you have, you find yourself being left back at the office every time there is an opportunity to schmooze, give a presentation or network with your target audience. Instead, you're left doing research or drafting tedious documents. While you understand those tasks are also part of the job, you really wish that when the opportunity presented itself to get out of the office and rub elbows with clients your boss would recognize your talent for captivating people and invite you along, giving you an opportunity to showcase your stuff. You might even get frustrated or begin to resent being left back.

What has just happened for you in that scenario is a moment of contrast. You had an experience you didn't enjoy. You knew what you would prefer to experience in its place and why. Sometimes you won't know why, and it might be important to explore that with yourself, but often you will know why right away. Out of your contrasting experience arose a very clear desire to be given more opportunity to use your talent.

When you formulate a new desire in a situation like this, it can be difficult to get past the desire and actually make it happen. How do you go from a desire to do something or have something to bringing it into reality?

The cool part is that it's ready to happen for you. All you have to do is be clear about what you want and then start to feel good about it. Imagine what it'll feel like when you do get to go out and show your stuff. Imagine it in this job or even another one. Be as detailed about it as you can, and really step into how that will feel. Visit with that feeling and imagine it every day, whether you write it in a journal, close your eyes and imagine it, or meditate on it, among many other methods. A minute a day is enough.

What will begin to happen for you is that you'll feel inspired to do things that will lead you to your goal. Don't get too caught up in exactly how it'll happen. Also note that if you suddenly feel inspired to have more fun riding your bike or turning up the music or going out to lunch, that's just perfect. You may find you're inspired to do things that you wouldn't think would logically lead to your result. However, all the things that you're inspired to do will raise your energy level and bring your desired result into your life with more ease.

Follow the stream of energy where it leads you. You may be surprised to find your opportunity comes effortlessly and you're in a fantastic mood to boot.

Give it a try. I'd love to hear how it goes. Always remember, if you have questions or want a guide through these steps, I'd be happy to assist you.

Placing Your Order for the Right Job

2009-04-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

Whenever we're not quite sure exactly what we want, we tend to give the Universe mixed signals, and we give ourselves and everyone around us mixed signals, including the person reading your resume or the one interviewing you. As a result, we attract mixed results that often don't match up with what we truly want. This is true in all aspects of life, whether we're looking for the right mate, the right job, the right house, the right friends, or whatever it is we seek to bring into our lives.

I am going to lay forth the tools to attract the perfect job, because Lord knows in this economy, we can all use advice on landing a good job.

It's really quite simple. It's like placing an order with a waiter for dinner, only you will need to place an order with the Universe. When you order in a restaurant, you look at a menu and decide what you want, and sometimes you even tweak it a little to meet your dietary needs or special taste. It is the same idea when you are trying to attract a new and perfect job into your life.

First you need to get very clear about what you want. What kind of job do you want? What kind of people will you work with? What kind of space and environment, etc.? What types of skills will you use? For many people, it's hard to answer those questions. It's difficult to know what you like or don't like just thinking off the top of your head onto a blank piece of paper. How do you want it to look? Get creative and get real with yourself. Be honest with yourself.

What seems to work very well is to get out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you have really enjoyed doing in your past job experiences. Then add to that list anything you think you would enjoy that you may not have already experienced in your past positions. Then, on a separate piece of paper, write down all the things you disliked about your past jobs. Be complete. When you've finished that task, take all of your negatives and turn them into positives.

For example, if you worked within a strong boys club environment and you felt you couldn't advance or be accepted because you are a woman, turn that around: I work in a diverse and open environment where men and women are equally respected for the qualities they bring to the table. I fit in very well within the group and have enjoyed rewards due to my efforts. I see advancement in my future. See how it's done? Now, transfer the positive you just created to your order form...the first page that you wrote all the things you liked about your jobs on.

When you are finished, read through your list and see that you still agree with all the things on the list and want your new job to have those qualities and aspects to it. Add anything you may have left out.

You now have a complete "order". You can confirm your order and make it a daily affirmation. Read it once a day and allow yourself to envision working in a job like that OR BETTER. Always imagine what you want OR BETTER. You never know if the Universe has something better than you imagined in mind for you. Often it does.

Now, allow yourself some free time to practice extreme self-care and to envision your celebration when you get the job offer. How will it feel to have your job? This is just as important as making your order, because we all know that when you're unemployed or looking for a new job, what you need most is to feel good and find some happiness. It'll help you to be more attractive to employers and to draw in the right job offer for you, too!

Go get 'em!

Finding Your Purpose -- Attracting Your Bliss

2009-04-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

I have been listening to Thomas Leonard's 28 Laws of Attraction while driving around instead of hearing the same songs looped endlessly over and over. The principle that inspired me has to do with doing the work that is most in alignment with our values. I have been beating this drum in my manifestation maps and journaling quite a bit lately. I keep writing that I want to manifest work that is an expression of my values.

So...what the heck does that mean, and how is it related to living your life's purpose? You know...that big question we all ask: What am I here to do?

I am always reading and taking in my fellow coaches and experts' writings on similar topics, and I happened across Vanessa Venos' blog, Musings from a Life Coach. I read some of her archived posts to see what her site is all about and, low and behold, I found the perfect quote about life purpose to use.

"If you asked a honey bee what it's purpose in life is, it would say it is to make honey for the colony. However, we know that a bee's life contributes a whole lot more to our world than just busily making honey. By doing its daily work, the honey bee in fact goes around and pollinates all the flowers and plants which results in new life for our planet. So just like in our lives, we may not realize what our big purpose in life is, by doing what we're passionate about, and by doing it well, with focus and determination, we may just affect a whole bigger purpose in our lives."

Honey bees, I'm pretty sure, don't think much about their values. I'm sure they also don't think much about their purpose. However, it is for the same reason that they don't think about these things but effortlessly fulfill their life's destiny. Honey bees follow their instincts and just do it, like the Nike ad says. We humans, on the other hand, think too much about it and get all kinked up about the rational reasons behind our activities, the shoulds, the financial aspects of our choices, the what will people thinks, you name it. That is precisely why this exercise may work to help realign you with your purpose.

Now, values are not things you need. Things you need are survival type things that you have to have day in and day out to keep going, to work, to live where you live, to stay healthy, etc. Values are a step further than that. They are things you want, things that do more for you than allow you to survive. They can propel you toward your life's purpose and create real passion and joy in your life in the day to day.

Take a nifty list of values (one by Steve Pavlina can be found here) and read through them, underlining or circling those that speak most to you as you read and re-read them, narrowing them down to maybe a solid five or so values. These are the things in life that are most important to you. You may not know what they are right off hand, but in using the list, you may find that you are moved in some way by some of the values listed. Even if you skip over one thinking, "No, that's too fun, too good to be true, I can't have that," that one could be one of your top values. You may want to go back and circle it. Once you narrow it down to 3-6 solid values, take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center all the way. Now write your values on the left hand side of your paper.

Now, on the right side of the sheet, without regard to the values you have listed, write down your most sought after goals. Write down the long-term ones and the short-term ones. Go ahead, even the ones that nobody else knows about.

When you have your list of goals and your list of values, take a pencil and make a line from each goal to the value that it is expressing. Do this until you've lined them all up. If you have a goal that doesn't have a value that matches, that's ok, this is the purpose of this exercise. When you find a goal that doesn't line up with your values, you can use the opportunity to evaluate whether that goal is really one of your goals or just a should or another set of values imposed on you by your family, spouse, boss, or someone other than yourself. From there, you may want to re-evaluate why that goal is on your list. You may be able to rework the goal to better express your values, or you may want to replace the goal with something more expressive of the values you have identified that are important to you.

Once you have completed this exercise, you may want to re-write your values and goals on a clean, pretty sheet of paper or in a nice journal for easy reference and updating, without the scribbles and remnants of other people's values and goals or expectations of you left under the eraser stubble. Read it again, think about what it would feel like right now to be living those goals and expressing your values every day. Then go and do something fun that makes you feel good today!

Welcome to the Inspired Coach Blog!

2009-04-20T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well, hello!

Today is the launch of a new, more organized and focused blog, entirely dedicated to my coaching practice. Hurray! This is going to be a place for inspiration in many forms. Use what works for you and pass it on. Feel free to give it all a try.

For those of you who don't know me yet, I am a life coach specializing in transformational success and life coaching for those who want to get to that next rung on the ladder or shift their career goals to create more balance in their lives. I also specialize in love coaching for those who haven't yet found that very special someone to share their lives with.

I'm so glad you stopped by. Please visit regularly for updates, or subscribe for the feed. For a complete view of my coaching practice portfolio, you are also welcome to visit my transformational success & life coaching website www.danalboyle.com and my love coaching website www.secretgardencoaching.com.

It is my intention to share inspirational stories, techniques to shift your thoughts to a more positive frame of mind, success principles as applied to real life scenarios, and other relevant coaching anecdotes and information. I welcome your feedback, questions and comments. In fact, those who comment openly here will be delighted to know that I feel inspired to recognize a contributor to the energy here once in a while with a reward of some kind. I've been known to give away a coaching session or product now and again. It inspires me to know that I'm speaking to someone other than myself, so make yourself at home.

For those who can use some kitchen inspiration, I have a cooking blog at www.confessionsoverthesink@blogspot.com. I post as I am inspired to cook, which is usually often. I mention it because cooking is my other passion, because as we nourish our minds and spirits, we must also nourish our bodies. I'll feed it in here, so that if you see a recipe you're interested in, it's one click away. Wouldn't it be great if I could cook and coach at the same time...maybe I'll try that sometime...

The "seeds" artwork displayed at the top of this entry is done by Andre Jordan @ www.abeautifulrevolution.com, for those interested in his portfolio. I found him at A Way To Garden.

Until then, enjoy some coaching fun with your Inspired Coach.

Warmly,
Dana